To Fathers: What You Need to Know About Raising Daughters

Raising Daughters: Abu Bakr bin ʻUbaidulla bin Anas bin Malik told [from Anas] what is the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “Whoever raised two girls, then I and he will enter Paradise, like these two.” And he pointed with two fingers. [Bukhari]

The Prophet Muhammad was a model in every role he played in society. This was confirmed in his role as father of his daughter Fatima. radiate to Allah anhaa (may God be pleased with her), the wife of Ali ibn Abu Talib (ra). You don’t have to look too much. Sunna (the path of the Prophet ﷺ) to find examples of the remarkable connection between them. From the very beginning of the revelation to the days of the Prophet Muhammad passing, there is evidence of love found between the father and his daughter. The Prophet ﷺ said, as recorded in Muslim, “Fatima is a part of me. Whatever upset her, she upset me, and whatever harms her, she hurts me.”

The relationship between Muhammad and Fatima (ra) makes sense in the light of what today’s research tells us about this family connection. The modern psychology of the day emphasizes the remarkable influence of the daughter’s relationship with her father on many aspects of her life, her relationships with others, her career choices and even how she copes with stress (B. Auer et al, Journal of Family Psychology, 2012), K Unfortunately, sometimes in the Muslim community, instead of promoting this love and expanding the rights of daughters, as the Prophet Muhammad did, we see cases when daughters face injustice in their homes and Sunna abandoned. This article gives fathers advice on how to empower their daughters through an understanding of Islamic principles and modern psychology.

Dear Fathers,

1. If you have younger daughters, perhaps between the ages of five and eight, take them with you to the mosque. Remember that a mosque is a place of worship and is the same place for women as it is for men. Start early to establish your daughter’s relationship with the house of God. Take it with you and ask her to do it. namaz (prayer), although at this age it is not required. Imagine sending this message to other fathers. Although it may be inconvenient at times, trying to create pleasant memories is a great step in deep connection with your daughter. I speak from experience when I say that it will be something that she never forgets. When your daughter grows up, she may be more inclined to participate in the events of the mosque, and it may happen that you get a reward for it. Remember that the beloved Messenger of Allah said:One who leads one to virtue will be rewarded equivalent to one who practices this kind action.” [Sahih Muslim],

READ MORE: 10 Guidelines for Gender Relations in Islam

2. Adolescence is an uncomfortable experience for everyone. In particular, as a young girl, frightening and sudden physiological changes are accompanied by public pressure to “look like this” and “walk like that.” As a young teenage girl, coping with all this pressure can be overwhelming. Therefore, when your daughter gets into her teenage years, be aware of the struggle that she will face, and never rejects her as “emotional.” As a father, your psychological support is extremely important. Be patient with her and tell her that you are there for her. If your relationship does not allow you to calmly talk about women’s issues, remember that your wife (or other important women in your daughter’s life) are your allies. Express your concerns to these women and ask them to be there for your daughter. Thus, you know about the problems that she faces, and when and when the time comes, you will be ready to advise her or even just listen.

3. Tell her that she is beautiful at every age. According to the Journal of Pediatric Psychology (K. Boutelle

   

   et al, 2002), “35-57% of adolescent girls participate in diets with breakdown, fasting, self-induced vomiting, diet pills or laxatives and overweight girls are more likely than usual to participate in such extreme diet. ” This statistic may shock you, but being a woman and a mentor to many women, it does not shock me. In modern society, all forms of media, be it Instagram, magazines or music videos, can have potentially destructive psychological effects. We cannot avoid these subliminal messages that are trying to determine beauty. These messages especially like young girls and women. Although we cannot eliminate these influences, you, as a father, can act as a “stress buffer” or someone who mitigates the negative psychological effects of such influences. So let her hear from the most important person in her life that she is beautiful. But do not forget to emphasize the importance of inner beauty. We recall the following Hadith (tradition of the Prophet): The Messenger of Allah said:Allah does not look at your figures and your dress, but He looks at your hearts. [and deeds],” [Muslim]

4. Encourage your daughter to be active in the community. Keep it active. Women around the Prophet were beacons of the empowerment of other women in their communities. Encourage your daughter to be part of this heritage, whether it teaches other youth or volunteering at a local event. I urge all fathers to understand the incredible benefits of community participation for Muslim women and everyone else. He encourages empathy, God consciousness, independence, time management skills, and more. I watched many women discover their passions and identities in this work, and I saw how the same women broke when their fathers discouraged or, even worse, insulted their participation in the community.

5. Be the best example of who you can be. What for? Well, aside from the obvious “you will be responsible for your actions,” your daughter will almost certainly use you as her standard when deciding on her future husband. As her father, you are the first person with whom she develops attachment, whether the conditions of this attachment are healthy or not. Her expectations from a person will depend on how you feel about her, her mother and others, how you feel about emotions, your work ethic, etc. This reminds me of the following excerpt. Hadith: The Messenger of Allah, ﷺ, said:Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of the people is the guardian and is responsible for his subjects. The man is the guardian of his family, and he is responsible for them … ” [Bukhari and Muslim],

I pray that fathers find this article useful and that it provides insight and the opportunity to think deeply. No matter what age your daughter is, it’s never too late to decorate and improve your relationship with her. May Allah Subhanahu va ta & # 39; ala (exalted) bless you daughters who are the coolness of your eyes and the bearers of an inspiring heritage!