QUESTION:
What do the scholars of the Dīn and muftīs of the Sacred Law state regarding the following issue: My mother-in-law turns my husband against me and causes disputes amongst us, which cause issues in our relationship. So, what is the ruling regarding my husband, in the sense of how is meant to balance things between us, and does his mother have more right over him or do I?
Questioner: Sister from UK
ANSWER:
بسم اللہ الرحمن الرحیم
الجواب بعون الملک الوھاب اللھم ھدایۃ الحق والصواب
Without doubt, a married man has rights for both (his mother as well as his wife); if he solely pursues his mother and violates the rights of his wife, then he will be sinful. Likewise, if he only sticks to his wife and does not fulfil the rights of his mother, then he will also still be sinful. Thus, the rights of both are wājib [binding] for him which must be fulfilled, although, the right of the mother is more than the wife for such person. Just as it is stated in a Hadīth, whereby Umm al-Mu’minīn Siddīqah, may Allāh Almighty be content with her, states that,
“عَنْ عَائِشَةَ قَالَتْ: سَأَلْتُ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَيُّ النَّاسِ أَعْظَمُ حَقًّا عَلَى الْمَرْأَةِ؟ قَالَ: «زَوْجُهَا» قُلْتُ: فَأَيُّ النَّاسِ أَعْظَمُ حَقًّا عَلَى الرَّجُلِ؟ قَالَ: «أُمُّهُ»”
“I asked the Noble Prophet ﷺ, ‘What is the greatest right for a woman?’ He ﷺ stated, ‘Her husband’s.’ I asked, ‘What is the greatest right for a man?” He ﷺ stated, ‘His mother’s.’”
[al-Mustadrak ‘alā al-Sahīhayn, vol 5, pg 208, Hadīth no 7326]
A’lāhadrat Imām Ahmad Ridā Khān, upon whom be infinite mercies, states in Fatāwā Ridawiyyah that the greatest right for a woman is of her husband’s i.e. more than her parents. The greatest right for a man is of his mother’s i.e. his wife’s, in fact, and even his father’s right is less.
[Fatāwā Ridawiyyah, vol 24, pg 390]
Yes, if one’s mother stops her son from fulfilling the rights of his wife, or tells him not to fulfil i.e. violate her rights, then in this case, it is not permissible for him to do & enact what she is saying, because violating the rights of one’s wife is disobeying Allāh Almighty, and it is not allowed to obey creation over the Creator i.e. Allāh Almighty.
The Holy Prophet ﷺ stated,
“مَنْ أَمَرَكُمْ مِنْهُمْ بِمَعْصِيَةِ اللَّهِ، فَلَا تُطِيعُوهُ”
“If someone commands you to do something that involves disobedience to Allāh, then do not obey such person.”
[Sunan Ibn Mājah, vol 2, pg 955]
Similarly, the Noble Prophet ﷺ also stated,
“لَا طَاعَةَ لِمَخْلُوقٍ فِي مَعْصِيَةِ الْخَالِقِ”
“One cannot obey creation if it means disobeying the Creator.”
[Musannaf Ibn Abī Shaybah, vol 6, pg 545]
واللہ تعالی اعلم ورسولہ اعلم صلی اللہ علیہ وآلہ وسلم
کتبہ ابو الحسن محمد قاسم ضیاء قادری
Answered by Mufti Qasim Zia al-Qadri
Translated by Haider Ali
Read the original Urdu answer here: [Q-ID0777] Do I have more right over my Husband as his Wife or does his Mother?
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